brakethrough!!!

have finally hada brakethrough with the essay! am well chuffed! jus need somethin to happen with the studio work but am goin to use next week as a major mind-detox so i can clear out all the crap to focus on me work!!!! also jus booked a place on a month trip to thailand so lookin forward to the photo opportunities!

dont rock the boat

iv noticed that we all seem to be strugglin n altho i woudlnt wish it on anyone, its nice to no we'm all in the saerm boat......might jump over board soon though cause i no wot i'm doin now jus need to find a way of gettin on with it!!!

the 1st module (non specialist) is still sort of self portraits....its proper hard xplainin it without showin ya, plus i ay really dun much wrok for it!!!

the 2nd one (whihc i had a massive tutorial on which i didnt really need casuse i was just told things what i already new!!!) is sort of a landscape thing but also comin bak to the self-portrait thing - usin some of my photography work from college so jsut need to get crackin!

proper strugglin to do work at the minit n i dont no why!!!! this shits drivin me mad! i miss jus bein able to do work n get on with it but summat is seriously stoppin me n i dont no what....i'm hatin this! its like anythin anyone has ever told me is comin true or i might jus be fullfillin it sort of like a self-fullfillin prophecy except i didnt make it - christ this isnt makin sense! its jsut frustraytin! am goin to crakc on with the essay for the minit cause atleast i'll be doin somthin productive.

just about....

just about ready to give up on this uni bollocks!! i no i wont cuase i'm to bloody stubborn n i've got to much ridin on this but its drivin me mad. at the minute i'm questionin wyh i'm even doin art n questionin my "ability". i dont no if anyone else has had this but its makin me feel like shit! the only good thing ot come out of it is the fact that bein this frustrated has made me do loads of wrok but i feel like theres no point in even doin it. its stupid but its the way it is at the minit. i dont like this at all.....dont no what to do about it eether. guess i just got to keep goin with it which doesnt sound to much of a bad idea cuase i am stubborn as fuck so definately wont give up on it, just feel like i want to if that makes sense.

what a croc of shite!

have just had my first tutroial of this semester (yeah ok, i missed the 1st 2 but i did tell my tutor i couldnt make it) n it was the biggest load of shit ever!! i dont no how i've come out of it all angry n what not but i'm fumin! i never get a strate answer out of my tutor n he asks stupid bloody questions n when i answer them my answer always seems to be rong!! i cant do right in this place but no one will learn me how to do it right or then i get the answer that theres no right or rong - how fuckin stupid!?!?!?! i've sat n thought about what my tutor said to try n see where hes comin from n what his point is but he hasnt got a point n to be quite honest hes talkin out his arse!! it annoys me that theres never any other tutors around to talk to cause it would be nice to have someone elses input other than my tutors who reads people so rong.....who thinks he nos who you are after speakin to you like 5 times since yuo started uni n its proper frustratin!!! rant over.

TTSAB

     this is for yuo....thanks for stickin with me and givin me the kick up the arse n the inspiration to do it. love and miss yuo always xxxx  TTSAB

essay

after todays lecture, decided am defo doin the question about vidoe art but i just sat down to try n do some of it n i'm already fucked with it!!!!!!!! also havnt done much proper work neither....not really in the head space for doin work right now but its annoyin me that it HAS to be done! deadlines am normally good for me but since bein at uni it shite cuz we dont have to do anythin (i.e goin in the studio - which is proper madness!) structure would be good right abowt now - i said this to one of my mates at another uni doin fine art n she got the rong end of the stick n thort i ment that i wanted to be told waht to do which is obviuosly not what i ment! its just doin me tree at the minute! on a good note though.....critical context was well good today - just enjoyed it. it gets me thinkin which i guess is a good thing (although i am worried that i'll hurt myself one day from thinkin to much!!!). 

anyways goin to try n crack on with this essay! in a bit guys

hard as nials

wokrs goin pretty bad at the minit....just findin it hard to do anythin! but its frustratin cause i want to but i just cant n i dont no why!!! no matter what i do, what i look at, who i talk to its just not happning! i hate it when this happens n it always just comes out of the blue n its drivin me mad. its proper gettin to me at the minit cuase like i said its frustratin me cause i really want to do work but somethin seems to be stoppin me sort of like an invisible barrier.

beyond the wall

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW5WVwS7V3U

love it

rain, wind and art

went ot the tate yesterday cause my mate was up here and wanted to go. i've seen the one exhibition theyve got there quite a few times already but i've never been able to go n look at the work and know what the works on about.....i fuckin loved it! n it was strange seein things we've discussed in lectures actually in real life - crazy shit! it was a really strange feelin to not have to try n read the blurb at the side of the work cause you new what it was on about!!!! i still dont like the inviroment of an art gallery.....it was to quite and there were some proper stuck up people what was lookin at me as if i shouldnt be there! aparently common people arent aloud to like art but i sort of reeled off loads of shite about one piece to my mate when he asked me what it was n this old couple actually looked quite impressed!!! i dont really see why class should have anythin to do with art but o well, i still love the exhibition so they can go bollocks to be fair!

i've decided that the shitty wether in liverpool can actually be a good thing cause it was pissin it down when i was walkin bak up from the gallery n it was proper windy but i've found that its proper good wther for me to do some thinkin in! dont no why and i dont care but i did some good thinkin in hurricane/monsoon type wether we had yesterday!!

yuotubes a load of ****!

un chien andalou and meshes of the afternoon are the to films i based my essay on for last semester. until yesterdays lecture i'd forgot just how much i loved this sort of stuff. both films are on yuotube (yuotube was bein a pain in the ass so i cant get the link sorted!)....there both worth a watch.

these are some stills from films what i like n generally watch to try n get a bit creative. the to blakc and white ones are both from eraserhead and the one in the middle is from one of svankmajers films.

also watch this if yuo've got time n have nothin better to do like me!!

Chris Landreth, Ryan

check it out

this is a link to my mate andys films....after the lecture yesterday (the only one what i new what was goin on cuase i usually sit there feelin a bit lost) it made me think of his films cause some of andys stuff is heavily influenced by david lynch and jan svankmajer! i was well chuffed that i new what steve was goin on about cause i've seen half the films that he showed us n yuo lot should watch more of them - eraserhead is class and i love all of svankmajers films. anyways heres the link:

Andy Rutter

yuo can also watch some of his stuff on yuotube....look for a film called "beyond the wall".