guilty as charged

very guilty in this case....have done jack shit work for the last to dyas but i did need to recharge the batterys but i do feel bad about it! comin to uni has made me grow a conscience (mainly down to one of my mates). i still havnt done a single dyas work in that bastard studio (dont feel guilty about this) - my flat is an alright place to do my wokr n it means i can chill with a fag n a pint while doin me work which i dont think would go down to well in the studio!! am goin to crack on with the work tommorow but i rekon i need to allow myslef to sleep when i work cause i jus feel like shit today!

also feel a bit bad that i havnt done much work for the other modul that sitn the drawin one (cant remember the name of it) but i'm gettin into this drawin one so the other one can wait for a bit....it could be worse n i could be neglectin both of them!! also havnt got a clue about this essay shite! will have to start thinkin about it though cause it took me aaaaages to do it last time round!

have a brake, have a kit-kat

this is what i'm goin to do cause i'v bin up for 4 days doin work so i'm pretty tired now. i jus get scared that if i go bed or stop workin for any reason that i wont be able to get started again which is probly pretty stupid. but i'm done for the minit....need sleep, food n some general inspiration so i'm goin to go for a walk n do some more photography (not work related though cause it'll do me yed in!!)

sorry...

sorry theres been so many posts today but i needed to get it owt my system while it was in my head n while i had a laptop (had to rob my mates cause i dont have one).

its been proper strange to look threw my old work....havnt done it for a while and i havnt even looked at some of it since it was originaly assessed at college!! its a strange feelin cause...well i dont no why. its jus strnage. some of it i jus want to get rid of but i no its somethin i could end up regrettin but i gess i'll never no. i suppose its sort of like destroyin a part of yourself cuase i no its somethin i put my hart n sole into. but what happens if yuo make so much work that it takes up the hole of yuo n yuo rely on canvasses or photos to peace yuorself together? i dont no if i'm explainin it right or if anyone gets that. but i mean like what if yuo had to rely on yuor work completly to show who yuo are n nothin else. i love doin my wokr but i like to think that theres still more to me than jus my wokr. what if someones wokr is all a lie? the thought of this scares me n i'm not sure why. it might jus be because i rekon yuo have to be dead honest about stuff when it comes to yuor wokr but i dont no if that matters to anyone else. dont even no if its important but i spose if somthins important to an individual then thats all waht matters. people can be quiet strange when it comes to shit like that though or some might not have even questioned it. to be fair i've jus completely rambled n dont even no what there ment to be questionin....

its 5 in the mornin but i've desided to go for a walk round city center. sleep isnt an option at the moment n although i've got ideas for me work, its hard doin it at the minit so i think walkin might be the best option. either that or i'll jus brush me teeth hopin for some sort of revelation...

words

my relationship with words isnt great n i orignally wanted to right all of this in my local dialect but realsied people woudltn be able to understand n i sort of want people to understand cause i want to no what they think so i'm givin SE another go....sort of need to leanr it!!

it did get me thinkin though ealrier cause i have to memorise patterns n images insted of words so i'm thinkin of relatin this to my form n purpose modul....sort of like an illiterates shoppin list! also words tend to move when i reed n i see images in the text so i want to explore this a bit more but at the minit its findin the time to do all this!

check them out....

just thought of my to main influences/inspiration when it comes to photography:

don mccullin - hes absolutely amazin!! some of his photos are a bit shockin in the sense that alot of his stuff documents the horros of war like in vietnam etc. but they are fuckin awesome so check him out if yuo get the chance.

gavin watson - hes a sound bloke (chatted to him quiet a bit online) n his book 'skins' is a book i never go anywhere without. its loads of photos he took when he was yuonger growin up with the skinhead culture. some of them i find quiet funny (i like the book cuase theres no words!!) but just look at them!

paintin!

ok this ones not strictly paintin but i drawed the cathedral with a craft nife (this has led me to thinkin about stencils n the like so we'll see what happens with that - also thinkin about the possibility of more string) n this was how i took a chunk out of me finger...the things i do for my work!

yuo no them nets waht yuo get oranges in?!? thats what i used for this one...jus left it on wet paint - again its all textured n what no. i get annoyed in galleries cause i always want to touch the work but i no yuo cant. not sure if yuo can see it to good from this photo though.

these were done by draggin a come through oils....i love havin textured stuff n i jus like how its reveals the colours underneth...want to try n find a way of shovin this in my paintins cuase i really loved doin it

i'm jus havin fun doin this paintin malarchy at the minit....its somethin new for me n i really want to see that exhibtion at the tate (i'm so shit with names its untrue)....sort of got a new love for paintin. i think its cuase i used to think yuo had to sit there for ours doin it stroke by stroke but its well good jus wackin it on any way yuo want - it feels like a sort of freedom to me which is quiet nice to have in my work. lookin forwood to seein how this one truns out actually.

current moduls

imprint left from leanin on oil drawins...found it sort of like monoprintin

oil pastels....found them quite strange!!!

scrapin paint....got so messy but i love it!

i got stuck with all this 'tradtional' bizness at first but then i jus thought 'foc 'em john' n got on it! i've never really used a paintbrush before or painted at all for that matter so at fisrt i just decided to make marks jus to get used to stuf n as a result i've actually become queit addicted to usin a pallet nife with oils.....fuckin love it! it feels well nice when your doin it n theres jus somethin about it what i cant put me finger on!!

photo i took down the docks....waytin for torists to move was a pain in the ass!!

i then went owt n tuk shit loads of photos (i'm so happy i've got bak into photography - its usually sumthin i do for me n not my wokr though) n have decided for the minute to sort of abstract the images what i've got. i dont no why at all!!

also got lookin at some painters.....always loved jenny savilles work n theres a bloke called johnathan parsons - fuckin amazin!!! so check his stuff out! have found lookin at magazines proper usefull!

i've decided i proper like jus makin marks....n when i was scrapin off my pallet (should realy lern to clean before the paint drys!!!) i picked off this piece of akrillic n it still had the brush marks from where i'd tuk it off the pallet n ever since i've jus sort of bin transfixed with it!! i really want to get them enlarged somehow to see what it looks like!

had never really dun much drawin either (in the sense of usin a penicl or the like) but thats bin quite frustratin cause i'm pretty shit at it no matter how much i praktiss!!!!

uni work (1st semester)

i've put up alot of my old stuff but i rekon its important to no where someones come from in order to understand where there at (which is more important in my eyes..."its not where your from, its where your at") n mayeb where there goin. so i'm jus goin to put some uni stuff on here. but to be fair i'm not that keen on anythin what i've done at uni.....last semseter went tits up so hopefully this one wont be as bad!

the bread was my work from 1st semester. i did alot of thinkin (dangerous, i no - but i recorded it all in my sketchbook which ended up as mostly rightin which scared me cause i've never bin good at righting - as i'm sur yuo can tell - but it was stff i was havin trubull puttin into another form!). it was sort of about what people consider as home (i dont consider where i com from as home) n if 'home' could be classed as person, a place or period of time - its rapdily become my obsession to think about this. it was also reference to how my 'home' i.e where i'm from is dort of jus rottin away as i'm tryin to make a new home for myslef here in liverpool. it also became about the degeneration of the city n how its poverty is ignored by local authorities, very much like where i'm from n i became inspired by a poem my sister rit (she studys english) which i'll post when i find it!! we sort of influenced eachother cause the idea for her peom came from a photograph i took so it was nice to be able to share that with her when shes normally a very logical n not really creative person. it wasnt as good as i wanted it to be n i wanted it to go moldy but i didnt have the right condtions for it to go moldy but i was jus tryin to find my feet....work wasnt my priority when i first moved here (n no, partyin wasnt either - i was jus tryin to get my head round the fact that i'd managed to get to uni n out of my situation).

relfections

window reflected in the sink....

this photograph is one of my faverits what i'v took. techincally its a shit photo n i no its a shit photo but i've always bin fasinated with reflections n my faverit irish proverbs is: "a friends eye is the best reflection". i love this for so many diffrent reasons......first of all on quite a shallow level, i hate lookin in the mirror (speshaly after a night owt on the piss but thats normal) n i hate vanity even more so i like it for that reason. i also like it obviously cuz it implies that yuor friends will tell the truth. but i hate confrontin my flaws, physical or otherwise cuz i no what they are already so why should i have to continually be reminded of them?!?! this sort applies to our form n purpose in fine art modul in the sense that i wanted to look at self portraits (not alot of wokrs bin done for this modul though cause i'm findin it hard to do to at the same time - not even mentionin our contextual module) but not in the physical sense. its goin to mean that i have to be brutally honest about myself which shouldnt be a problem cuase i no my fualts (they've bin pointed out to me enough times) n i no the mistakes i've made so i dont see why i cant produce some sort of work from this. i also want to try n show that people can change....i no i have - some people wouldnt even recognise the person i've become. i need to spend more time on this modul cause i think i could make a rite go of it so i just need to pull me finger out me arse n get crackin (no pun intended, honistly!!!)!

by the way, the photos of the selfridges buildin reflected in the multi-stroy opposite!

its alos just reminded me how much i love it wen stuffs reflected in water....i love how it distorts n when yuo watch it when the waters still, then somethin disturbs it so it becomes blurred n then yuo watch it gradually return to normal.

animals

i'm such a loser when it comes to wildlife programs on tele and i'v always loved animals but i find photgraphin them a rite bitch so i was queti plesed with my handy work with the camera here (aminals curtesy of chester zoo n knowsley safari park!!).

it scares me how much monkeys are like humans.....i no the hole evolution thing but its so interestin n i love marine life even more, would love to go on safari though one day - under water camras all the way!!!

printmakin

the idea of 'journey' has always had some sort of hold over me as an idea, maybe cause of my stupidly obsessive want to travel. i dont like stayin in one place to long....yuo get attached n theres got to be so much more to life that what i've known so far or atleast thats what people keep tellin me. i simply printed my footprint once then photocopied it onto acetate shitloads of times. i then placed these round college, illustratin simple journeys that people do every day round college. i didnt really get on with printmakin so this was an easy way for me to do what was asked of me. i also got into alot of trouble for this project at one point (but thats another story) n i wuold have go in even more shit if i'd had done what i originaly wanted to do which was cut out a stencil of my footprint so i could sprypaint them onto the floor but like i said i was alredy in the shit!!

all through this project i also considerd the term 'journey' in its metaphorical sense n did a peace based on simon pattersons 'the great bare'. i think the metaphorical jounreys just as important as the literal cuase its how people learn n i'd been on a massive journey since i'd started college n its gone in directions i woudl never have dremt of. this part of my journey has sort of started over again in the sense that i no who i am now but at uni, i'm learnin about my identity as an artist which is a journey that i can see is goin to be like a huge fuckin rollercoster but "its not the destination, its the ride that counts".

MOP4 (minor opshun project)

this was only a 4 week projecgt so not to much for this. but i've always bin intrested in memory n how it works (somethin that was later hevily influenced my FMP). the idea originally came from a memory of mine from childhood, sort of about displcement (tony ray jones' 'glyndbourne' was a big inflence here). i took this door n had fun takin it out of context. it then became about a door leadin to loads of different possibilites, maybe of a better life (the grass is always greener sort of idea) or about transition. i've never bin entirly sure whta i was tryin to acheeve but i still sit n look at these photos n jus think about them so its completely open to interpretation in my book.

p.s we had alot of fun shovin the door in an exisitin doorway....confused the shit out of my mate who was in the cuburd at the time!!! it was also a challenge gettin the bloody thing to college in the 1st place!!!

cosford/inviroment project 08

the startin point for this project was the new hanger at RAF cosford (near wolvo). the title was inviroment n the exhibition was about the cold war. therefore some poeple interpreted this to produce work based on war ridden inviroments. however, i didnt no what i wanted to do so i just made drawings from my photos, most of contained (unintentional) perspective, which is a recurrin theme in my photography. i did become very intrested in perspective so i brought out elements of my drawings to make somethin 2d 3d if that amkes sense.

i then strated usin string, which has become somethin i love workin with and will probly use it for my traditional moduel for this smesters work. my final peace came from these 'string boxes' what i made n i liked the pattern that was left on the outside of the boxes as well as inside (the interior was the hole point of makin these things). therefore i went along the idea of in/out inviroments. this lead me to politics......it happens in a small inviroment (usually somewhere in london) but we feel the affects of it...almost like a ripple or the butterfly affect.

i decided to look at n reserch political n social issues such as abortion, domestic violence, euthanasia n rascism etc. (influenced by barabara kruger here....i love her work) n all of these am things that i have strong opinions on so i liked the idea of bein able to create a piece of work that explicitly expressed my own opinions. final result shown at the top.

creatin that peace was a plain n simple pain in the ass....i made the stand in our 3d workshop (like the hole woodwork thing) which wasnt without its problems (its also based on like lectern things that people make speeches from, specifically politicians) but the string (or cotton as i've jus bin told!!!) was one continuous peace of strong which people kept walkin into cuz yuo could harldy see it so i had to make endless repares n in the end i nicked a couple of road signs n traffic cones from the roadworks goin on jus outside college....as yuo can see from the photo, i was gettin pretty annoyed with this peace by the end!!!!

early sutff

this is very old stuf from 1st year of my ND. it was sort of about jounrneys (closet image is made entirely from tickets and inlargements of them....it was over 6ft tall - my best mate had to get his gf on his sholders to put it on the wall!!) n also about childhood - trains n busses being somethin i associate with my own childhood. i revisited the idea of 'journey' in my 2nd year at college in my printmakin project so i'll stick them photos up to.

big issue project 07/08

finaly worked owt how to do this photo buziness so i'm goin to take full advantage! these are some of the photos from the 'big issue' project from 07/08.

originaly i thought about lodas of 'issues' such as war, poverty, genreally stuf that was in the news at the time etc. but then i took it in the literal sense n looked at the issue of homelessness which is somethin what i feel is overlooked, n no-one with no power gives a shit.

i became intrested in the idea of leavin a trace or a mark of some sort so i then looked at fingerprints, footrprints etc. this projects quiet hard to explane in a short time n i dont really feel like talkin much (take adavnatage!!) so i dont feel as though i've explained it v.well but i'll try n get some pics of my final work for this project so then the work will do the talkin. make of it what yuo will.

TTSAB

this is Zoe Walker. one of my best friends and one of the most talented artisits i've ever had the honor and plesure of knowin. sadly she took her own life on 28/03/2008. i've been on rants of how much uni drives me mad but i've had time to think n zoe is the reason i'm here at uni and still alive so i ow everythin to her. i'm so grateful to be at uni, doin things that zo never had the chance to do. i'm not goin to give up on it. so zo, this is all for yuo and we all love ya n will never forget ya.

TTSAB (throw one for me!) xxx

no shite in particular

i'm finally on a roll witht me work....about fuckin time!!! not sure where its goin n i dont realy like it much but atleast i'v done summat! hopefully i'm goin to work with string again - this makes me happy for some reason! string is good. we like string. my works come at a price though.....havnt et or slept for a while and i managed to take a chunk out of my finger! i dont know who thought it was a good idea to let me loose with sharp objects cuase it bloody hurts!

injuries and lack of food/sleep aside i dont actually hate the process of workin at the minit which isnt a feelin i've had since college - uni seems to suck the life out of me and i havnt bin to a tutorial for a while so i've probly got a bollockin on the way! i've got more important stuff than uni at the mo n every free second i've had (which hasnt bin many) i've bin wokrin so i swear if they complain i wont be held responsible for my actions!!!

travellin backwards n forwards to the midlands has ment alot of time on trains n busses which has ment alot of thinkin....i think public transport n me get on from a creative perspective (its another story wen it comes to the realiabillity of public transport thuogh - and the clenliness come to think of it!).

i'm in a very strange mood whilst rightin this so its probly just verbal shite as usual n i'm not really concentratin on it so i'm goin to sine off for the minit. plus my camreas bein a knob so i cant upload photos atm!! what a bitch!

like a guppy in a swimming pool

i like the loss of identity what comes with livin in a city. i've decided this after thinkin back over my 'big issue' project. no-one nos you and no-one wants to or gives a fuck about you cause there to busy rushin round drinkin starbucks (this bothers me cause i'd rather lick a dead cat than drink the dishwater they serve at that place)....you can just dissapeer and no-one will notice. this means you can get away with more stuff. but also you have fuck all clue about the millions of people what have stood in the exact same places what you have.....

...its like theres millions of invisible footprints, fingerprints, all nameless, faceless and no-one will ever no. it sort of reminds me of a poem they tried to make me read at school by Carol Ann Duffy(a crazy scottish lesbian whos poetry is amazin) called 'stealing'. its not like a small town where everyone nos you and your bussiness....if you fuck up, no-one nos except you and you can jus try agen tommorow. sort of like little fish in a fuckin massive pond, like a guppy in a swimming pool if you will.

namelss, faceless and just another dot in a sprawlin city. love it.

thinking about loss of identity, i had a mate once what burnt his hands to try n get rid of his fingerprints cause he'd got nicked for robbin a car the year before. it would be pretty sound havin no fingerprints but i sort of like fingerprints so maybe not so good. i'v always wonderd how they no that no 2 sets of fingerprints am the same....has someone checked every single persons fingerprints out of all the 6 billion people on this earth?!!? poor sod - i wouldnt like there job!

fish, benches and the un-named public

this is a very old piece that i did for my gcse's....i have no pics of my current work so i'll try n get some on here but most of it will probably be my college work cause i was actually sort of proud of my college work. i will defo get my photos from a project caled 'big issue' what i did at college cause i still use these photos alot so i'll sort that asap. i loved that project but i'll explain about it another time. i do have photos of my bread from last semester so they can go on here to.

bus-thinkin and birds

this is a photo of some busses in dublin what i took


after readin kirstys post about busses i got very upset....i LOVE busses!! there amazin! i love just buyin a daysaver (i'm pretty sure this is just a west mids term for a day ticket cuase when i asked a driver up here for one he sort of looked at me as if i'd just asked him to work out a really difficult maths question or asked him what the meanin of life is!!) and seein how far you can go. just thinkin on them, drawin on them, talkin to the randomers. you get some right strange people on busses n i love it! i end up wonderin where people are goin, y there goin there, usually wonder what sort of person they are, like what they do for a livin or if there the sort of person i'd have a pint with! i only like doin this on my own though. i do like random bus journeys with my mates n have had proper funny experiences on busses with them but i like to do bus-thinkin on my own.

alot of my work comes from bus-thinkin. oh, and from birds. i usually have to right down my ideas and thoughts on whatever i can find, which is usually my bus ticket....i even right over the vouchers they have on the bakc which seems to outrage one of my friends (cuase we all know mackies is part of a healthy diet!!!!). one time i was cmoin bakc from asda and all i had to right on was a cereal box...good times! i really should learn to carry some sort of sketchbook with me which i usually do but righting on cereal boxes is more of a challenge and it seems to unerve the other passesngers! i do always keep a pen a post-its by the bog though....my bathrooms covered in them - i just seemed to have revelations in the bathroom. mostly when i'm brushin my teeth so when i'm stcuk i usually jus brush my teeth for ages to see if anythin comes to me (bein productive and fighting plack at the same time....talented or what!?!? my dentist would be proud). i like paintin with a toothbrush to but obviously not the same one i use to brush my teeth....to unhygenic for my likin!

this was ment to be a short post but as usual i've ended up goin on a bit (just call me fred! lol). you should be lucky that i've lernt to recognise when i'm ramblin....for years my friends have been forced to put up with it but there skilled in tunin it out now. i wish i could tune myself out. maybe that should be my task for the day....

film, video, photography n all that jazz

i want to get into film and video.....i've been watchin my mate andys films (youtube andrew rutter, i'm sure he wont mind) and its made me want to give it a go. i love ryan larkin, chris landreth (mainly because of his film about ryan larkin), jan svankmajer and just random stuff but i have fuck all clue how to do any of it!!! does anyone else sometimes feel like there not learnin much at uni. i've lernt loads about myself and i look at things differently now but i mean in the sense of technical stuff....fuck knows y i'm payin 3 grand a year to do jack shit!

jmu drives me up the wall sometimes!!!

does anyone know what the crack is with the PDP shit?!? i got richards email about a meetin n i never have a clue what hes on about when they talk about PDP. yet another thing i have no idea about. i tend to just wing it when it comes to stuff like this but i actually want to understand it....thats y i came to uni in the first place.

works goin slow today.....there seems to be to much crap in my head thats stoppin me from thinkin about my work - for the last half an hour i've been thinkin aout the name Rathbone (i had to go on the 669 to carnatic) and how much of a strange word it is. does anyone else have this problem?!?!!? i really want to just lock myself in a room for like a month and just paint and draw and just do work but thats not possible which is a bit shit. thats y i dont like the studio....u can never just go into your own little world. its probably a bit selfish me wantin to just go into my own world and not have to worry about anythin or anyone else but atleast it would mean that you guys wouldnt have to read my verbal (technically typed) shit!!

has the photography studio at uni got a dark room does anyone no? i want to learn how to develop my own photos....recently knicked my an old nikon (its older than gods dog) and i used a hole 36exp film yesterday. if anyones interested in photography let me know because i had a proper strnage experience just before xmas:

i was at my sisters one night but decided to go home at one in the mornin cause i was ill, so i rung a taxi. n as taxi drivers do, he started makin small talk. he asked if i was a student n what i was studyin so i told him. then he said that he liked art...i thought he was takin the piss! but it turns out that hes a local photographer (john guy - check him out....some awesome photos of concentration camps amongst other things) and he offered me to use his studio and have a look so if any of you are interested let me know n i'll email him - he seemed a nice enough bloke. it did scare me at first cuase he said (and i quote) "i've got a soft spot for students" n i thought eh up, what sort of soft spot you dirty bastard but i've emailed him a few times n i rekon hes legit but who knows?!? he was only doin taxi drivin cause he got robbed and had to use the money he'd bin savin for his studio to live off so just needed some extra cash in his arse pocket. its well strange though....if i'd never got in that taxi i would never have met him and he offerd to let me exhibit and everythin! i'm so excited if it happens.

i'm lovin gettin back into photography but again its somethin i dont know anythin about which is strange cause when i was at college someone thought was a pure photography student and they liked my work but it was only the first time i'd used a camera!! i'm likin the challenge of manual though....its more interestin than digital. i love it wen you take a film to get developed cause you have no idea what your images are going to look like....i guess its sort of like christmas. its all a surprise. i like the element of surprise! but i spose it can get a bit expensive....funnily enough i dont have the money to keep buyin film then gettin it developed (another reason y i want to learn how to develope my own photos) but boots have got a 3 for 2 on films at the mo so i might stock up! the fact i shoot in black n white also adds to the expensive.....dont you just love uni!?!?!

JOIN ART

two of my old college tutors are part of a project called Join Art....check them out on facebook! i would put a link in n all that jazz but i'm useless. i will attempt to put images up though so just bare with me!

right, these are some of the photos from the facebook group. everyones invited to join in and join something and it literally can be anything! these dont really have any relevance to what i'm doing at the minute but i've always been sort of obsessed with the fact that everyone and everythin is connected and joined in some way, almost as if theres invisible ties. i sometimes think that i want to severe those ties whether its with people or places or a period of time but at the same time i want to preserve them (i'm full of contradictions because theres always a constant battle goin on in my head!!). it sort of reminds me of an exhibition i saw last summer called the fabric of myth and there was this one bit based on this myth about these three witches (or somethin like that) who bascially decide when to cut your thread.....i cant remember the exact ins n outs of out (maybe someone could help me out here) but bascically it was just that your lifes thread can be cut at anytime etc. (it genuinely was interestin but it was ages ago and i just have a really poor memory). talking of memoery reminds me of my work from last year.....scincey shit has always interested me so i looked at memory and memory biases then interpretted that to use in my work. but i suppose that everything is physicaly connected. i think the synapses what pass on messages to the brain (in its most basic explanation) connect everythin together. hmmmmm i really could ramble on about this for ages (sometimes having a continuous train of thought, which isn't usually logical to toerh people, can be a apin in the arse!) but i have stuff do.

in a bit guys